Junk in my Trunk

OMG! This is hilarious!    Back in my first post, I talked about how it took me 45 minutes to figure out how to load the background pic (which, I suspect I’ve stolen illegally and genuinely would give the credit if I even could figure out how.)   Anyway, this whole blog has been a journey for me.   It’s like every post I discover something new.   And it’s not like blogger comes with an instruction manual – in fact, it’s interesting that you sign up, and then have this toolbar over on the left, and are basically expected to figure it out?   Although realistically there’s probably an online manual somewhere, but to tell you the truth, being 43, I still prefer having an actual instruction booklet in front of me to read.   Somewhere along the line, I guess I mentally decided to just figure it out as I go along. Today I discovered that people can follow you!   Which duh, obviously makes sense, cause there are loads of blogs out there with zill...

Do you ever think back on moments of your life and just cringe? Like, occasionally, I’ll be lying in bed, and my mind will wander, and I’ll start remembering.   Gah! Sometimes the remembering is the worst – it’s like my mind won’t let me forget the stupid decision, dumb choice, terrible words – and when it pops into my head I immediately try and exorcise it out – I don’t want to think about the dumb stuff I did, the people I hurt, the shame I felt.   Memory is a catch 22 because all the memories help remind us about who we are or who we chose to be (or who we’re choosing to be?). But it also reminds us of the things we would rather forget – things that we don’t want to believe we are capable of but were.   In my twenties, I got involved with a guy who was engaged to be married – he left his fiancée for me and I literally ghosted.   In my thirties, I got involved with a guy who was married – he left his wife for me – I did not ghost. But I did spend 7 year...

So. Family.   Here’s some background for you.   Mum and Dad are split.   Dad’s remarried (very recently in fact – at 71). Mum’s got her live-in partner.   I have a younger brother and sister.   Em’s 39, Nerd is 37. Without getting into the loooog drawn out story involving infidelity, lies, more lies, even more lies, cover ups, and all the nonsense that followed for years, lets just say that my Dad and I have a complicated relationship.   I am exactly like him and nothing like him.   If that can even be true.   In fact, I would say the only thing that separates my dad and I is that in spite of the fact that we’ve made very similar bad choices, the difference between him and I is that 1) I have always owned/acknowledged/apologized for them and 2) I have honestly tried to learn from them and make different choices after the fact. A child’s relationship with his or her parents is always a complicated thing, regardless of all the life eve...

Eight months ago I was not well.  I had terrible sciatica in my left butt cheek.  I had a constant charlie horse feeling on the left side of my groin . When i got up off the couch, i limped the first 12 steps.  Getting in and out of the car was agony. I couldn't sleep on my left side. I struggled up and down the steps getting in and out of my place, and always held the railing. I popped advil like it was candy and none of my clothes fit; somehow, overnight, I had gone up three sizes.  And this was just physical.  Mentally, I was beat and still angry  - about my career, about my dad, about myself....I was in chaos. I was life tired. I wondered, is this it? 42, feel like crap, hate the world, mad at myself, and basically going to need a walker in 5 years. It was time, I thought, to start unloading some of the junk. And so here we are - Junk in my Trunk. I'm not a Boomer, but literally just spend 85 minutes figuring out how to upload that bloody p...